Using a paddle for impact play isn’t that much different than any other spanking, but there are a few key differences to know. Although spanking is the gateway kink for many of us because it’s simple and free, there’s always more to learn.
Before you buy a new paddle and start swinging, make sure you understand the basics.
Choose Your Sensation: Sting or Thud
Before anyone’s bottom gets paddled, ask what kind of impact you/your partner want: Stinging pain? Thuddy pain? Both?
Any paddle (wooden or otherwise) can cause a sting. The material, density, and technique determines that. Thin toys like slapsticks create a definite bite. But for those who prefer a deep thud, look for thick, heavy paddles. Red oak paddles are thick enough for the weight alone to create a thud. Watch out for those edges, though. If your paddle lands there, you’ll definitely feel a sharp sting.
Some thick paddles can be deceiving. Our holy terror paddles should be thuddy because of their weight and thickness but the holes are why Kayla dubbed these terrors. (She isn’t a fan of stinging pain.)
Warm up before you go in hard with your paddling. Start with a hand spanking or use your paddle with light taps. This helps prep the mind and the bottom. It allows your partner to be eased into the moment. They can relax into the sensations instead of tensing in anticipation.
Some people have enjoyed impact long enough to know whether they need or want the warm-up. In those cases, feel free to skip. But when you’re new to paddlings or to your partner, go slow and ease into the intensity of your kinky fun.
Use Different Spanking Techniques
Every spankee likes and wants something different so there’s room for experimentation here. But in general, you’ll want to vary the techniques you use with your paddle.
- Alternate cheeks. Go back and forth between each side. Smack one cheek multiple times and then strike the other. Create a pattern or stay spontaneous, the choice is yours.
- Stick with muscled areas. Even when it’s a bare-handed spanking, you need to be careful where a strike lands, but it’s especially true with a hard paddle. If you’re completely new to paddles, hit the butt and maybe the back of the thighs until you learn more about impact play safety.
- Take breaks. This doesn’t mean stop your spanking, but lower the intensity with your paddle, switch to your hand, or pick up another weapon of ass destruction. This gives your partner’s mind and body a break.
Try Different Positions for Different Experiences
The position you use in a paddling or spanking scene depends on a variety of factors: physical ability and comfort, personal preference, and/or the mood you want to create. But if you don’t know what you like or don’t like, experiment with different spanking positions to find what works best for you and your partner.
Over-the-knee (OTK): The spanker sits with the spankee over their lap. This limits you to only using one hand and spanking or paddling at a specific angle. But it’s also a very intimate moment that lends itself to other sexy fun.
Bent over: This can be bent over a bed or another piece of furniture. This position pushes the glute muscles “forward” and can make for a more intense experience. If using a bed or furniture, the bottom can support their body. If bent over with no support, the position becomes an extra challenge during your scene.
Spanking bench: Anything can be a spanking bench if you’re creative enough, but if you haven’t bought or made one, you’ll usually find these in a BDSM dungeon. Typically the partner being spanked will be bent over or on all fours.
St. Andrew’s Cross: A great piece of kink furniture for any impact play, St. Andrew’s crosses leave your partner standing upright. This will change the angle of your strike but also gives you more access to their body for other fun, play, and sensation — with or without your paddle.
Check In as You Play
With any kink play, whether a spanking or something else, communication and consent are key. Between paddlings, position changes, and alternating your technique, check-in with your partner. You can keep it sexy, if that’s your vibe, by whispering, “Do you want some more?” Or you can simply ask, “Are you okay? Can I continue?”
I ask Kayla for a color when we play with our paddles: green means keep going, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. The color tells me what I need to know to continue the scene or stop it.
If I ask a question, and Kayla can’t give me a response, all play stops immediately. Why? Because she no longer has the ability to communicate so that we can keep her safe during play. She might be in subspace or she might be in so much pain she can’t speak. Either way, she’s more vulnerable to getting hurt, so we stop.
Don’t Forget Aftercare
After an intense scene with your paddles, aftercare is important. Everyone will want something a little different. Kayla likes to wrap up in a special blanket, and she needs water and food. We sit quietly, cuddled together, and wait for her to come around. If she’s lucid, we talk a little bit.
Helping your partner into bed or back into their clothes is the least you can do. They may need water or help to the bathroom. Other people might want to be left alone, or they might need something else. Before you start your fun, talk about the end of the scene so you both know what to expect from the other.