New Products, Updates, and More: September 2021

We’re preparing for the holiday season, to help all our kinky friends give the gift of kinky fuckery and weapons of ass destruction! Which means we’ve got sooooo much going on right now — with more to come.

Here’s a quick update!

New Products: Ass Beater and Ass Beater, Jr.

When we first started making paddles, the best wood we could easily get was red oak. Over time, the quality and availability has decreased while the cost has gone up. No, thanks.

We knew we could do better, and so we started looking for something better. Now that we shop at a local sawmill, we have a lot more options.

And we decided to move away from red oak completely.

But since we called most of our red oak paddles “red oak paddles,” the new version needed a new name.

What used to be the Large Red Oak is now Ass Beater.

The Small Red Oak is Ass Beater, Jr.

They’re the same great shape and come with a paracord handle in the color of your choosing. But you can choose from multiple woods. Currently, that’s cherry (a red color), curly maple (a yellow-white), or black walnut (a deep, dark brown).

Check out the pictures here:

  • group of three large wooden paddles, from top to bottom: cherry, curly maple, and black walnut
  • large wooden paddle made of curly maple over black background
  • large wooden paddle made of black walnut over blue background
  • large wooden paddle made with cherry over blue background
  • three ass beater junior wooden paddles on blue blackground; left to right: cherry, curly maple, black walnut
  • small wooden paddle made with cherry over blue background


Check out the Ass Beater Jr here

Check out the Ass Beater here

Red Oak Clearance Sale

Speaking of phasing out red oak paddles, we decided to drop the price on our remaining red oak paddles to help sell through them all:

Small Red Oak

Large Red Oak

Hairbrush (red oak paddles only)

Currently, you can save 25 percent off the regular price. Plus, you can use any available coupon codes (like the one you get when you subscribe to our newsletter — hint, hint.)

Once they’re gone, we’ll no longer carry them in the shop. The hairbrush paddle will come back with new woods, and we’ll still call it the Hairbrush Paddle, lol.

New Finishing Process

two ounce and sample size wood butter next to ass beater wooden paddle

When you look at the red oak paddles and then our new Ass Beaters, you may notice a difference between the wood. (And no, not just the wood grain, lol.)

In the middle of designing new paddles and making new products, we’ve also changed our finishing process.

We use something called Wood Butter.

It’s a natural wax that we cook up here at Kinkery HQ. Our version is made with mineral oil, carnauba wax, and beeswax.

Wood butter conditions, seals, and protects the wood. At the same time, it gives paddles a gorgeous, lush, almost soft look. The natural color and grain of the wood stands out even more.

Using wood butter isn’t a one and done, though. It can be reapplied to wood anytime it begins to look dull or after a lot of use.

We want you to love how your paddle feels when you use it, but we also want you to love how it looks.

With that in mind, we’ve added Wood Butter to our finishing process and the shop itself.

Customers will receive a 0.5oz tin with every purchase of a wooden paddle finished in wood butter.

You can also purchase our wood butter, once you run out or if you have a lot of wooden toys you want to bring back to life. We sell wood butter in two ounce tins. Shop here.

In Conclusion

The longer we make (and sell!) weapons of ass destruction, the more we learn, and the more we want to make and try. We’ve got a lot more in the works — including new products coming in October 2021!

This is just the beginning of bigger, better kinky fuckery.



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